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🟨 The Girl on the Train (2015) Review - Drunken Damaged Goods | Book Waffle

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The Girl on the Train   (2015) written by Paula Hawkins Mystery thrillers are pretty new to me so apologies if I sound horribly plebeian. The Girl on the Train follows a British woman named, spin the generic name wheel, Rachel. Rachel is a mess of a human being after her husband cheated on her and left for the other woman. Ouch. Distraught and lonely, she finds herself  repeating the same habits over and over to try and cope with the fact that she's damaged goods and no one wants to talk to her. She takes solace in people watching, though. On the eponymous train to work, she watches the same people play out their routines day after day. She gives them names and imagines whole lives for them. Like they're little dolls in her little dollhouse. Honestly, not a bad setup. And, y'know, after the first 10k words, I was really impressed. The people-watching fantasy is such a great way to develop the loneliness of a character. It reminded me of Miss Brill by Katherine Mansfield ,...
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🟥 The Snowman (2017) Review - Eating the Yellow Snow | Film Waffle

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The Snowman   (2017) directed by Tomas Alfredson Do you wanna build a snowman viral movie trailer? The people who made The Snowman certainly did. This book-to-movie trailer made waves back in 2017.  And why wouldn't it? It's a creepy crime-horror with a touch of whimsy. That's the stuff nightmare fuel is made out of! Of course, Elsagate also happened around this time. That, too, was creepy and horrific with a touch of whimsy. Except, perhaps, less nightmare fuel vibes and more... predatory? "Frozen Elsa gets MUGGED on the street. Spiderman!?" Lord have mercy!  Was almost as bad as the Reply Girl era. Anywho, I watched  The Snowman 's trailer a half dozen times back in the day. It was right up my alley. I told myself that I would see it soon after its release.  But once the release hit, the hype dissipated fast. Real fast. So fast that I totally forgot about it. Looking back now, the sheer drop-off should've been a warning sign. But here I am, going throu...
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🟥 The Bridge of San Luis Rey (1927) Review - Grim Reaper Builds a Bridge | Book Waffle

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The Bridge of San Luis Rey   (1927) written by Thornton Wilder Starting with a tragic event before rewinding is always a gamble. It shows the author's hand. It diminishes stakes and intrigue. So Long, See You Tomorrow by William Maxwell is another classic that does something similar. But while it sorta works in that book, I don't think it worked here. The Bridge of San Luis Rey revolves around one Brother Juniper in 1700's Spanish Peru and his quest to find spiritual and religious meaning after the collapse of a ancient Incan rope bridge in Peru. Said collapse leads to the deaths of a diverse troupe of individuals, and our hero is laser-focused on digging into all of their personal business and finding out why fate chose them to die. The good Brother searches through their affairs. Their taxes. The size of their undies and the size of their knobs. So basically our guy is the pre-modern equivalent of the NSA. Jokes aside, this is an interesting framing to work with, for su...
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🟨 Dinner to Die For (2025) Review - Giant Crusty Dong | Film Waffle

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Dinner to Die For   (2025) directed by Diana Mills Smith South African horror. That is a new one for me. On hearing that, I expected something historical like the Boer Wars. Real  The Last Door  like. Maybe a trite commentary piece about apartheid if I wanted to raise my social credit score. But no.  Dinner to Die For  is about... bread.  Yes, indeed. A somewhat more tame topic as compared to imperialist wars or systemic oppression. But don't let that crusty exterior fool you. Inside is a plush interior that is both steamy and subtle in a way that made this one of the more nuanced horror movies I've seen in a long while. Quick Summary Hannah is a food photographer who can't write a decent cookbook to save her life. After getting rejected by her publisher one too many times, she and her crime-loving friend hatch a plan to add the girl next door's  "secret sauce" to the menu. Story & Characters We begin with an incredibly slick montage of homegirl Ha...
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🟨 The Mist (1980) Review - Stephen King Murders My Childhood Dreams | Book Waffle

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The Mist  (1980) written by Stephen King I still remember growing up and seeing The Mist (2007) commercials on TV. I was big on monster hunting and conspiracy shows around that time. Things like In Search Of... and MonsterQuest were my favorites! So you can imagine my surprise when I picked this up, this arms-length hallmark of my childhood, and thought, "Wow. This kinda sucks." The Mist follows protagonist daddy David as he does a milk run to the local grocery store. Not to be pigeonholed, David takes the extraordinary step of bringing his son, Billy, along with him. While David is in the dairy aisle debating the merits of skim vs 2% for his morning brew, a blanket mist rolls over the supermarket. Soon strange creatures begin emerging from the mist, and any shoppers that attempt to leave never return. The Mist is my second King story, and while I could bear his writing style in Thinner , this was too much. It's so wordy. ~50k words but it could've easily been 30-4...
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🟩 Laura Hasn't Slept (2020) Review - Mainstream Creepypasta | Film Waffle

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  Laura Hasn't Slept   (2020) directed by Parker Finn Aye! It's a short film adaptation of blue_tidal's famous creepypasta, The Smiling Man !  Well. Not quite. Although, I have seen a couple of those floating around. No, apparently this short was the precursor to the film Smile (2022). I'd heard of the film. Wikipedia says it grossed north of $200 million smackeroonies from a $17 million budget. That's kinda insane. Didn't know it made that big of a splash. Of course, I didn't know it originated from this short film either. Go on. I'll wait. We can waffle on together afterward. And since it's so tiny, I can ramble freely without worrying about spoilers. Quick Summary Some woman named Laura pays a visit to a therapist, Dr. Parsons. She's having a recurring nightmare, you see. In said nightmare, she sees a man who stalks her. A horrible smile hangs from his lips. I know you're not gonna believe this, but Laura hasn't slept for a couple days...
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🟩 Murder on the Orient Express (1934) Review - Some Gay Doin' a Murder | Book Waffle

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Murder on the Orient Express   (1934) written by Agatha Christie The victim prior to their death warns of a "small dark man with a womanish voice". Hey! That's me! :D Didn't know I was on the Orient Express in 1934, but you discover new things about yourself every day. This is my first mystery read of the year, but my previous dabbles in the genre have left me decidedly unimpressed. So when I picked this up as my first Agatha Christie, I was not expecting much. But I was pleasantly surprised! We follow Christie's hallmark Belgian detective Hercule Poirot on a train journey from French Syria up through the Turkey and the Balkans. Stopped by a violent snowstorm, the train descends into panic as a rich American sleazebag is found dead in his cabin. Sacré Bleu! The opening is a slog as Christie slowly acquaints us with the dozen or so suspects. It was hard keeping all their intricacies and stories in my head. But, after the first ~15k words, I found myself engrossed. ...
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🟨 Spiders on a Plane (2024) Review - More Stupid Sexy Spiders | Film Waffle

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  Spiders on a Plane   (2024) directed by Ben Williams So. Spiders on a Plane.   Seriously. Not sure why I thought filling the beginning of my docket with B-movie horror was a good idea, but here we are. Guess I thought it would be good to pair with my recent review of Ice Spiders . Never have sat through Snakes on a Plane before. Always ended up getting bored and walking off. Sorry Samuel L! Let's see if its eight-legged cousin is able to give me something better. Quick Summary Spiders on a Plane follows four UK friends; although, you'd be forgiven for thinking otherwise, given how often they call each other by their names. "Those are some ugly shoes, Beth." "Oh, Grace. You are so silly." "Don't mock me, Beth." "Grace, I'm just making sure I look good." The four friends hop on a plane to Colombia. They're on holiday or something. Unfortunately for them, a mad scientist with a nigh unintelligible accent has smuggled a cadre o...
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🟨 Anna Karenina (1878) Review - What Are You Waiting For!? | Book Waffle

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Anna Karenina   (1878) written by Leo Tolstoy Oh, Lordy. The drama. A friend once described Anna Karenina as "the best novel ever made" and "eight books in one". I'm not sure if I agree with either of those characterizations. First, let's clarify what this is.  Anna Karenina  follows a motley cast of Russian aristocrats in the late 1800's as they deal with a whole host of yearning romances, passionate infidelities, and other other pinky-out pastimes.  It's essentially a season of a soap opera where each of the eight books = one episode. Each is contained but not complete. The highs and lows. The inner angst and turmoil. It's very very much soap opera-esque. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if early soaps used Anna Karenina as a heavy inspiration. I never reach for a period drama, but I imagine that those lean on this classic quite a bit too. But with that you also get lots and lots of melodrama. The constant angst can feel suffocating at time...
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🟥 Ted Bunny (2026) Review - Even Serial Killers Live With Their Parents in 2026 | Film Waffle

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Ted Bunny   (2008) directed by Michael Fredianelli Hmm. Well that certainly was something. Here I was hoping for a Five Nights at Freddy's prequel, and this is what I get. Not a story about William and Michael Afton but one about Ted Bundy and his "spawn". Bro. Quick Summary Ted Bunny follows the story of Sasha, an aspiring documentary filmmaker who has yet to break into the industry. Girl, you and me both. Her latest attempt at forging said career takes her to the house of Catherine Something-or-Other. Catherine claims to be one of the last survivors of Ted Bundy's 1970s killing spree.  In fact, Catherine goes all Rosemary's Baby on us and claims that she birthed Ted Bundy's demon spawn after he sexually assaulted her all those years ago.  Whatever the case, her child is now a bunny hood wearing maniac channeling in his inner Majora's Mask Twitch streamer and speedrunning a murder spree of his own. All righty. That's quite the setup. And, in fact, I...
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